Dear Snotty Girl at the Cactus Car Wash,
Yes, I know my car was dirty. Really, really dirty. After all, that is why I was at the car wash. What would be the point of taking a clean car to the car wash? However, it was not caked in mud nor was there anything growing in the backseat. Therefore, I think it was a little unnecessary, the way you wrinkled your nose when you approached my vehicle. Also, I am unclear as to why you rolled your eyes when I asked for the standard car wash. I tried to ask if something was wrong, but you abruptly walked away.
When you came back, you asked me if I had ever had the car waxed. I'm sure you were trying to be helpful, but I almost couldn't understand you as you choked on your disgust. I was so taken aback that I couldn't form a coherent reply. I'm guessing from your patronizing, "You know, if you wax it occasionally, it might actually look like the color it's supposed to be." that you must have taken that my silence for a "no".
I was a little embarrassed and very angry. I wanted very much to turn around and leave (even though I had no idea how to do so logistically, given that the driveway is one way, and I was, by all appearances, trapped). However, what you didn't know is that I was having the car cleaned as a surprise for my girlfriend. She's been complaining about how dirty it is for awhile now and I know it's really bugging her. Also, we were supposed to leave in a half hour to get a friend of hers from the airport, so I didn't exactly have time to take it elsewhere or do it myself.
Before your approach, I was feeling really good. In fact, I was brimming over with pride, just imagining Jamie's face when she came home and saw the car glistening in the driveway. Thanks for taking that away and putting me in my place. Wouldn't want to get a big head or anything.
The car looks nice and clean now, and I'm really happy with it. I think you might be right though. It could use a little extra something, and I think I'll get it waxed next time I take it to be washed. Don't worry though, I'll be sure to take it somewhere else. I wouldn't want to ruin your day again by showing up at your car wash with my dirty car.